Go From Zero To Millions In Just 10 Minutes



Small business grants

If you get enough of these all at once, it’s possible you could be looking at a million dollars. In ten minutes. But since you’d have to do a lot of fraudulent bookkeeping as well, you could be looking at ten years behind bars. But then, making your first million means you’d better not be too risk averse.

Rob a bank

Not an option for most MBAs, but still – you’ve got to keep an open mind. Since Halloween masks are on sale right now, you can stock up on them for next to nothing for you and your gang of desperadoes. 

Here’s what you need to remember if you decide on this option – gleaned from innumerable TV shows and heist movies:

  • Always take the money from the front of the till – the ones in the back have those ink spray bombs that go off when you handle them. You don’t need to spend half your take on dry cleaning.
  • Don’t kill anybody, please. That’s so ci-devant. Not good for your social media profile.
  • The way the stock market is acting, ignore the stocks and bonds. Do you know how much a roll of quarters is getting on the black market and in laundromats today?
  • Clean out the break room – they always have something good to eat – and you’ll need to keep your blood sugar up during the inevitable car chase.


If you already have the set up, you can easily snatch a cool million from the cloud in ten minutes or less. The set up, in this case, means about four hundred computers all running at once and eating up electricity at an enormous rate. Plus giving out so much heat that it’ll melt the Arctic Ice Cap in a matter of hours – which means you won’t have much time to enjoy your new-found wealth before the world’s oceans come knocking on your door. BTW: cryptocurrency doesn’t float.

Sell something incredibly expensive online

Like the Hope diamond, if you happen to have it lying around handy. If not, then take any old piece of dreck you’ve got lying around and hyperventilate it with good copy into a one-of-a-kind item that will change a person’s life and send them to a higher astral plane. Like, maybe, a bag of old chipped marbles. Rebrand them Tibetan earth crystals, guaranteed to increase the libido, the intellect, and decrease body fat and crow’s feet. Then start the online bidding at five-hundred-thousand-dollars. (And don’t forget to mention that these things have the power to bring Donald Trump back into power, once they are thrown into the maw of Mount Doom.)

Write a million short articles like this one in ten minutes for somebody like Huffington Post

What, you can’t find an algorithm to do it for you? That means you’re just not serious about your goal. Where would Elon Musk, Bill Gates, or Andrew Carnegie be if they didn’t try for the impossible? And have good lawyers?

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